Have you ever looked at your week ahead and thought, “That feels like a lot,” only for life to throw in a few unexpected surprises for good measure?!

That was this week for me.

I already knew it was going to be busy.

There was a late gig followed by a 3.45am start this morning, Sports Day, coaching sessions, meetings, practise and programming my LED dress for the gig, my eldest son’s residential trip and all the usual day-to-day life admin that somehow still needs doing.

Then came the curve balls!

A phone call from school at 7.45pm on Tuesday night asking me to collect my eldest from his residential trip. This meant a three-hour round trip with my youngest in the car. Several nights of very little sleep while supporting my youngest through a particularly anxious patch and then the client for my gig needed me to change the programming by adding in extra words 2 nights before the show.

It is fair to say that today I am feeling pretty exhausted.

There was some wonderful news mixed in too. After a long wait, my youngest son’s EHCP was finally approved. We’re both incredibly relieved and, with him starting secondary school in September, the timing couldn’t have been better.

Have you ever noticed that when weeks like this happen, it’s very easy to focus on the things that didn’t get done.

My blog and newsletter are late this week, I missed 2 networking events and have got behind on my course.

And do you know what? Nobody minds at all. The only person who worried about it was me. But luckily not for long, because these days I’m so much better at catching my inner critic trying to tell me I’ve failed because I haven’t managed to get everything done, or that I’m not good enough for whatever reason!

It’s often only when we pause for a moment and take stock that we realise why we’re feeling exhausted, anxious, overwhelmed or emotional. We’re so busy focusing on what we haven’t done that we don’t stop to look at everything we have done.

Then suddenly you look back over the week and think: “Ohhhh. That’s why I’m knackered!”

Something I did do well this week was let some things go. A few years ago I would have tried to do it all anyway. I’d have stayed up too late and tried to push through ignoring all the warning signs. I felt guilty if I let anyone down.

But this week I chose differently and set some boundaries for myself. And although part of me didn’t like it, another part of me knew it was exactly what I needed and it felt good!

I won’t pretend I wasn’t feeling anxious ahead of this week. When I feel stressed or overwhelmed, my brain usually wants to do one of two things.

Eat a bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk while watching Netflix. Or stay up ridiculously late working because somehow that feels productive.

Neither is actually dealing with the problem. They’re both ways of trying to escape the feeling. It’s the habit loop in action:

Cue: Feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

Craving: Relief.

Response: Chocolate and Netflix… or overworking.

Reward: Temporary relief.

The problem is that the stress is still there when the chocolate is gone or the laptop finally closes. Overworking can be particularly sneaky because it looks productive from the outside, but often it’s just another way of trying to control everything when life feels uncertain or overwhelming. It’s that feeling of clinging on for dear life because you’re convinced you haven’t done enough yet.

So what do I do instead when everything feels like it’s happening at once?

Here are a few things that really help me.

Bring Yourself Back to the Present

When we’re anxious, overwhelmed or panicky, our brains are usually focused on the future.

What if this happens? What if I forget something? What if I can’t cope?

Grounding yourself in the present moment helps calm the nervous system and reminds your body that right now, in this moment, you are safe.

Try naming:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can feel
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

If you’re short on time, simply look around and name what you can see, plant your feet firmly on the ground and notice how supported you feel.

A longer exhale than inhale can also help signal safety to the nervous system (provided breathing exercises don’t increase your anxiety).

Call Someone Who Gets You

Humans aren’t designed to do everything alone.

Talking to someone who makes you feel seen, understood and supported can help regulate your nervous system far more quickly than struggling on by yourself.

Choose someone who lifts you up rather than someone who leaves you feeling drained.

Sometimes a five to ten-minute conversation can completely change how you feel.

Get Organised Where Possible

This is coming from someone who is naturally quite disorganised! But organisation really does help when life gets busy. Lists are my best friend – in fact anything visual helps. Sometimes I even say things out loud because hearing them helps them stick in my brain.

The key is finding a system that works for you and practising it before you’re overwhelmed.

Get Outside

Even if it’s only for two minutes. Step outside and look up. Feel the air on your face. Notice the trees. Listen to the birds. Take a breath.

It sounds simple because it is simple.

But it works.

Let Yourself Feel What You’re Feeling

One of the biggest things I’ve learned over the last few years is that emotions need to be felt. They don’t need to be fixed or pushed away and they don’t need to be judged. They need to be felt.

When we ignore our emotions, they don’t disappear. They tend to get stuck in our body and show up as angry outbursts, irritability or even illness.

Pay attention to your thoughts too. They often reveal why you’re feeling stressed in the first place. Notice how you’re speaking to yourself. Would you speak to a friend the same way? If not, it might be time to challenge that inner voice.

Listen to What Your Body Is Telling You

Stress doesn’t just live in our minds. It shows up in our bodies too.

You might notice:

• Tension in your shoulders or jaw
• A racing heart
• Sweaty palms
• Restlessness
• Feeling wired and unable to sit still

Or you might go the other way and want to curl up in a heap and sleep. I used to start with all the anxiety signs and then want to curl up into a ball and sleep!

Both are signs that your nervous system is feeling under threat and is working very hard to keep you safe.

When this happens, movement can really help.

Shake your arms.

Shake your legs.

Stretch.

Walk.

Dance around the kitchen to your favourite song.

Anything that helps your body complete the stress response and release some of that nervous energy. And if you’re feeling like curling into a ball, try humming, gentle rocking or going for a short walk instead.

Other nervous system tools I often recommend include:

• Legs up the wall
• Gentle stretching or yoga
• A slow walk outdoors
• Humming or singing
• Listening to calming music
• Holding something warm like a cup of tea
• Resting under a weighted blanket
• Splashing cold water on your face
• Simply lying down for five minutes without doing anything

Ask For Help

This one doesn’t come naturally to me. I like being capable, independent and self-sufficient. But asking for help is a skill. And this week reminded me why it matters.

A close friend stayed at my house with her son last night so I could travel for my gig. If I hadn’t asked, I would have missed out on a fantastic opportunity and a significant amount of income. I was really worried that my boys wouldn’t cope as they’ve only had family look after them since they were little, but it all worked out, and luckily she also had a lovely time. And of course I’d do exactly the same for her.

The biggest thing i’ve learned over the last few years is that life doesn’t have to be perfect for us to be okay. There will always be busy, chaotic weeks where we might feel anxious, overwhelmed, stressed or exhausted. There will be unexpected phone calls, last minute changes and things that don’t go to plan. The goal isn’t to avoid them. It’s to have the tools and support around us to navigate them when they happen.

Anyway, after approximately two and a half hours of sleep, I’m off for a nap!

I hope whatever your week has looked like, you’ve managed to find a few moments for yourself. Because you matter.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Jo x